He would say he didn't feel anything, and I would always fill him in later on a few of the funny things he'd said before passing out. It was a great way for me to relax with how stressful my job can get, but John would mostly just fall asleep. We would sometimes get edibles from a friend of ours. I've told him how much I just want him to let go, and he's admitted that some of the hottest sex we've had is when he doesn't think about it and just enjoys it. We've had deep conversations about all of this, of course. It's like he wants to choke on a dick, but only if it's a secret no one else knows about. But then when I grabbed his head and held it in place there, his shameful brain kicked in and he fought me off. I know he loves cock in his throat because he once took me all the way and I could feel his lips around the base of my dick and he just kept it there. We've explored quite a bit and I've seen glimpses of his true desires. And I've been able to push his boundaries despite that ever-present Catholic shame. In his mind, it's one thing to be gay, but a whole other thing to admit to being a cock loving bottom pig.Įven with these challenges, we have a great marriage and an active sex life.
It's because he's curious about exploring that side of himself, but he's ashamed to admit it.
After more than a decade together, I've realized that it's not a dig at me. I love being a bottom, and I have no shame about it, but he's made occasional comments that reveal that internalized homophobia he got from his Catholic upbringing. And the slight curve it gets when he's rock hard is perfect for skull fucking me or punching my prostate until I cum hands free. Long and thick enough to fill my mouth and my hole nicely without worrying about damaging my internal organs. Dark hair, striking facial features, a fit body without being pretentious about it, and my favorite, a beautiful, perfect penis. He's an out and proud gay man and his family is perfectly lovely and accepting of me and our marriage.īut he gets inside his head during sex. He grew up in a Catholic family, the type who never actually set foot in a church but put their kids in a Catholic school just so they get enough doctrine to feel ashamed of themselves for the rest of their lives. John would never openly admit that, of course.